Have you heard that many women simply don’t have the ability to experience full body cervical or even g-spot orgasms, and that “junk-food orgasms” (clitoral) are the only pleasure we can or should expect?
Don’t believe them!
In our culture, we accept men as voracious sexual beings, who simply must get their ‘natural’, essentially undeniable, sexual needs met.
We cut men a lot of slack in regards to this….often excusing (to various extents) their sexual urges as often unsavory, but unfortunately undeniable. “It’s in their hormones.” “They really can control their urges only so much.”
But with women, we view sex much differently.
We don’t even have a word to describe, in a positive way, a voraciously healthy sexual woman. I’m not talking about promiscuity — I’m talking about simply being a healthy voracious sexual being in a committed relationship! Our culture and our language puts women in three categories. Women are either:
- prudes, or
Where is the happy medium where women can exist, as men do, in our minds as healthy voracious sexual beings?
It’s time for women to dismantle the lies and societal norms we’ve inherited.
We’ve been stuck in this false narrative for so long, that the majority of women don’t even think their bodies are capable of experiencing the powerful orgasms that men experience.
And even if women don’t want to accept this false narrative, they don’t know how to find answers that will allow them to figure out how to experience them. We’ve forgotten how!
I’ve taken a lot of inspiration from Kim Anami, who seems to be the only person talking about this issue. Here are some of the things she suggests in improving the situation
1) No tool or method can turn around an issue rooted in a connection or communication issue between partners. So, problems need to be verbalized and tackled to create trust and open space between partners.
2) Strengthening and exercising your vagina with a jade yoni egg is an interesting idea worth checking out. Here is Kim’s Yoni Egg Kit. This can really help women tone and strengthen their vagina, increase lubrication, and a bunch of other things.
This is an excerpt from Kim’s FAQ page regarding some benefits of the jade egg.
“Can’t I just do Kegels for pelvic floor strengthening?
Here’s the thing: The famed exercises that Dr. Alfred Kegel invented in 1947 mainly to assist women in healing urinary incontinence, involved using a device inside the vagina—called a Kegel Perinometer—for resistance and feedback.
Kegels were never meant to be flapping your vagina randomly in the wind.
An actual and correctly performed Kegel requires using a device inside the vagina. It’s like performing a bicep curl with a weight, vs. an “air” curl. One is going to build you muscle. The other is going to do nothing.
Actively learning how to own sexual energy and surrender to the power designed into our bodies is important, so we can shed the conditioning our society has engrained into women since our birth, will set us free.
Don’t believe that women are still in a struggle to break free of patriarchal conditioning?
Check out this excerpt from Lundy Bancroft’s book, which explains one of the many ways that women’s experiences and dignity has been and continues to be dismissed, TODAY:
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients were revealing childhood incest victimization to him. Freud concluded that child sexual abuse was one of the major causes of emotional distrubances in adult women and wrote a rilliant and humane paper called “The Aetiology of Hysteria.” However, rather than receiving acclaim from his colleagues for his ground-breaking insights, Freud met with scorn. He was ridiculed for believing that men of excellent reputation (most of his patients came from updstanding homes) could be perpetrators of incest.
Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the “Oedipus complex,” which became the foundation of modern psychology. According to this theory any young girl actually desires sexual contact with her father, becuase she wants to compete with her mother to be the most special person in his life. Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of incestuous abuse his clients had revealed to him had never taken place. they were simply fantasies of events the women had wished for when they were children and that the women had come to believe were real. This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women’s and children’s reports of mistreatment by men.
Once abuse was denied in this way, the stage was set for some psychologists to take the view that any violent or sexually exploitative behaviors that couldn’t be denied – if they were simply too obvious – should be considered mutually caused. Psychological literature is thus full of descriptions of young children who “seduce” adults into sexual encounters and of women whose “provocative” behavior causes men to become violent or sexually assaultive toward them.”
I wish i could say that these theories have long since lost their influence, but I can’t. A psychologist who is currently one of the most influential professionals nationally int he field of custody disputes writes that women provoke men’s violence by “resisting their control,” or by “attempting to leave”.
She promotes the oedipus complex theory, including the claim that girls wish for sexual contact with their fathers. in her writing she makes the observation that young girls are often involved in “mutually seductive” relationships with their violent fathers, and it is on the basis of such “research” that some courts have set their protocols. The Freudien legacy thus remains strong.”
The author goes on to give even more hard-to-believe examples of how this legacy of Fruend continues to harm women and favor the abusers. And although we know that females are also capable of power hungry abuse, we also know that the majority of abuse is perpetrated by men. We as women are not just receptacles while men reach their orgasm.
If men can’t last enough for both partners to climax, there are many things he can do to change that. For younger men especially, they usually can’t maintain erections long enough because they are watching porn, and it depletes their dopamine and testosterone.
If they’re not willing to go on a sexual healing journey for to improve the situation regardless of the cause, do we want to be in a partnership with them?
Check out Kim Anami for some truth talk on YouTube and her website. You might not agree with everything she says, but I’m sure she will have some ideas that might inspire you or give you a new perspective.